I am no professor, no Ph.D.,
But I know
Love is a well-known, personal embodiment of a class I dearly yearn so much
Because Love,
Love can play guitar and strum the melody of the song I love and sing together
Can learn Deutsch und er kann mit amüsantem Stil sprechen
And
Riding the bike 3 in the morning with the windshield and good 'ol leather jacket
I know when Love enters the classroom
I would scream with the deafening roar
Knowing Love would propose a rose and chocolate boxes and tonnes of papers and pens and poetries and recite it in the name of me and
I know
Love is an inch away, waiting to be found, happily live ever after.


But
Love
Oh, hardly, I recognize him
Love,
Is not something made up in my mind full of blurry scheme and heavily breathing just to exist because
Love,
That Love, from my mind,
Does not exist.


But
Then there be you
You do exist
Not the route that accidentally crossed or met or saying hi or staying for a while
Because you,
You are the living things, standing still, think, thought, feel, felt, and
Hold my hands tenderly at 10 in the evening
Half-heartedly finish the whole chicken porridge you complain so much
And listen to my babble and ramble and whine so terrible that I question
Why
Why do you exist?


Oh I know,
I know this is a gamble,
Perhaps this is just another poker, or blackjack, or slots that just giving the perfect odds at first try and no luck in second, third, fourth, and the millionth,
but I keep,
I keep trying so hard
Because I know I would win the game
I know the luck is on my side,
Maybe the fortune teller would laugh
Because actually I'm only doing my own
Russian Roulette.

And then you whisper, thinner than the air,

Slowly, spelling "I'm no perfect" with the doubts and worries and anxieties that hanging low from the ceiling
Why, why are you no perfect?
Why can't you play guitar or sing the song or riding the bike 3 in the morning oder sprechen du gut deutsch und amüsieren du mich?
And why,
All the questions matter none anymore
Like a whole gap of clouds and mist filled but I keep walking anyway
Knowing I will eventually be there?
Because I, too, am broken.


You
You are The Love itself
You are the one whom I can spend the rest of the day without feeling sore
or tired
or exhausted
Because I could easily slack and slid my hips around the blanket with
You
Or drinking hot lemon tea and talking about particles, unions, big bang, or "How is your day?" with the big sincere smile sewn between my dimples.


You
I could take million photographs and count it as one
Or whisper
"I love you," "I love you", "I love you" like a toddler learning her first word with the big pride
And yes, I am a toddler
Because the world is too vast and big and wholesomely eating myself alive without your presence
I'd be lost
You say "You are beautiful, you are strong" over and over and over and over again
And I know, I know
I hate repetition and routine like 9-5 jobs or listening to the same brag your coworker has to bring to lighten up the lunchtime
But your words
Have gotten me so addicted I could crave for a single "hum" or "dum" from your soft, bumpy lips.


You
I met you in 20
But I found you in 22
Maybe because Love needs time
Grows like a sprout, stronger like a trunk
Through the tears and cries and laugh and countless emojis typed on virtual kisses,
And during these years I keep looking overseas for a gold I found in the pocket in the next 2 years
And somehow,
When I see us in the mirror, past and present
I know, I know
We are bound to exist
Together.


You
Are the reason I want to get married and live up the life I used to loath,
To carry a little human of ours, letting them reside in my womb for 9 months and I have a very fear of the idea living in someone's tummy
and spend the rest of dull and boring evening with someone so colorful and bright and amusing like you
Because in your presence I would abandon all the discomforts
Or maybe trying to chop onions and shallots and carrots and still don't know how to boil spaghetti properly
Bake a cookies and mistakenly calculate the sugar and flour and pouring the very different ingredients because I don't know which is which
But keep doing the same thing just to see you burp with satisfaction and fill your tummy with the thing I made
And no I
Don't know about what is Love.


But I do, oh yes I do.
I do know about you, every curve and roar you keep in the deepest chamber of your heart
I do know that when I walk 100 miles, 200 miles, or only circling around 10 steps to the west to find the fresh air
You will stay there, next to me,
Oh, maybe a little far, but you know where to find me
And trust me with the sword we carry together, the shield we are under
Now I know I do not care about love
I really do not care about love
Because thank you,
I found you.